I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize