My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
