Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
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