I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Randomize