you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
false alarm, still single
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
