you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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