It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
