well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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