There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Randomize
