Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
