Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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