Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
