I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
why do cheetos always look like penises
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
