I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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