ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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