Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
