just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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