just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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