Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
