Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
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