You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You are the jesus of drinking
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize