The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize
