We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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