i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
