The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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