Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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