I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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