Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
You are a genius and a whore.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
