a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
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