when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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