I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
