If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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