Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
