At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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