There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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