Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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