I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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