I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
