I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
