that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Randomize
