No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
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