My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
