tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
