3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
