Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
My vagina just recognized that song.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Please don't give away my fajitas
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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