My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
