I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
