hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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