please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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