He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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