I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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