the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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