Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
