I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
