she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Randomize
