he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
