I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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