Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
