gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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