You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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