All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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