I wannas sexs uuuuu
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
