i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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