So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
