My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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