and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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