I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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