he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
