Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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