he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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