super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
