it was like his penis was on wheels.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
