Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
