what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
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