so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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