I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
