It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
