awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Randomize
