Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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