I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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