I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
