Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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