Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
