I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Randomize
