Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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