First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
