my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
