C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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