I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Randomize
