That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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