I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
