You're my little dorito
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Randomize
