i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
