why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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