so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
