whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
