Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
