that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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