I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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