Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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