Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
