Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
