Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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