it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
