Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
