Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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