My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
