Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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