You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
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